A Short Guide on Cricket - for Moms!

To read the article as published in Child Magazine - Sept '14 Issue, click here..

The Full, Unedited Article:

As one of the fortunate fathers to have had the privilege of attending most of my two sons’ sport games over the years; I am mostly surrounded by moms on the side-lines, (fortunate in and of itself perhaps), and even the odd youthful au pair I might add.   During this time, I tend to get suckered into spending a great deal of the match as purveyor of the rules of the game (particularly cricket and water-polo).  This may be some elaborately sexist, stereotypically caring way of making me feel less conspicuous amongst the more intuitive sex, in that I’m automatically expected to understand the rules.  Nevertheless I embrace the banter as it inevitably drifts to far more intriguing ‘women’s talk’ a few moments later.  I do feel that at least I contribute something to the social side-lines, no matter how trivial my contribution. 

Despite my generally boosted status and morale, I have felt compelled to offer a short guide on cricket for moms (..and au pairs).  Although it is no easy task by any means, I have selected a few aspects that have popped up more frequently than others as some useful tips to help boost your cricketing prowess. Call it a FAQ & Answers guide if you like.  (Note that I have refrained from including ‘..For Dummies’)!

To start with, it is important that we dispel a few cricketing myths:

·         a box is not something to wrap Xmas presents in, no matter how precious the package;

·         a slip is not a woman's undergarment worn beneath a dress or skirt;

·         an extra cover is not a coat for your son to wear over his jersey;

·         not only those with magnificent figures may field at fine leg;

·         If your son is asked to field at backward point, that doesn’t mean that he is in any way being chastised for making a silly point;

·         and deep mid-wicket is not an innovative name for a follow up sequel to 50 Shades of Grey.  

With some of those out of the way, here are a few tips to help you appear extremely knowledgeable during idle chatter (but strictly only between breaks in play). Just enough to make your friends marvel and cricket knowledgeable dads treat you with a new-found level of side-line respect.  Cricket spectators are a breed unto themselves, particularly the serious ones.  Respect needs to be earned here like no other sport, and that is just the way it is.

·         There are 3 primary forms of cricket; test cricket, limited overs cricket and 20/20 cricket, each being strategically and tactically very different.  This acknowledgement alone will score you incredible points on the side-lines with impressed eyebrow lifting and nodding to boot. 

·         Test cricket is usually played over 4 or 5 days at professional level.  However at school level in order to teach the ‘proper’ game to youngsters with limited attention spans, ‘time or declaration’ cricket is often played to emulate test cricket instead.  This is where there is a strong chance of a draw, when the first side to bat doesn’t have sufficient time left to bowl the other side out, no matter how few runs the latter side may have scored.  Difficult to comprehend, but stay with me here.

·         Limited overs or 50/50 cricket was introduced to offer those with limited attention spans a chance to enjoy the game and put bums on seats back in the 80’s as time and appreciation for the original form of the game started to wane.  Even the ever essential ‘whites’ were replaced by some rather colourful gear in a form of the game that creates much more hype and opportunity for marketing, side-line distraction, TV coverage and most importantly for many spectators - a result (a win or a loss).

·         If the above form wasn’t enough to make true cricketing aficionados roll in their graves, T20 or 20/20 cricket most certainly would have.  As the age of instant gratification became more prevalent amongst sport enthusiasts in the late 90’s, and advertising revenue ruled the roost of professional sport, this form of cricket was introduced to offer shear entertainment.  Here batsmen are enticed to take much greater risks in order to score big runs (4’s and 6’s are encouraged as sex and action are in the movies, for retained attention). 

There is as much off the field entertainment as on, with many spectators not being huge appreciators of fine cricket, side shows became the norm.  Scantily clad dancing girls gyrate after every boundary, in what some might call ‘provocative’ outfits (even in Dubai!), jiving to the beat of a loud cacophony of DJ music mixes, accompanied by pyrotechnics.  The gear is no longer merely colourful, but Gaudi-esque.  To cricket aficionado snobs, this is ‘just not cricket!’  But it’s bums on seats that counts, and this form of the game has made cricket far more accessible and a great day or night out for the entire family. 

·         Now, one of the questions often posed by an irritable mum on the side-lines is ‘why her son isn’t bowling’ or ‘is now batting down the order’.  The reason is most likely simply team strategy and tactics.  A different approach is required for each and every game or form of the game.  It is dependent upon many factors, too many to mention here, but just go with it. 

Your son may be a great opening batsman, but not much good at scoring quick runs required in limited overs.  Much like chess, cricket is a game requiring a great degree of strategic planning and tactical adaptation.  Similarly, on a particular day, your beloved son who is a marvellous little bowler, may not be the most appropriate to bowl at that particular time.  Unfortunately however, as in life, politics and sport are never entirely mutually exclusive.

·         You may feel that your son is a talented all-rounder in your eyes, and that may be delightfully true, but genuine ‘all-rounders’ are rare commodities.  However it is understood that it would ‘be nice’ for your son to do a bit of everything (like Jacques Kallis or AB de Villiers), and in the junior age groups that should be encouraged.  But as he moves up the prep or primary school ladder, it will become evident as to what sort of speciality he is most likely to excel at.  Remember, far fewer than 1% of our darlings will ever play professionally!

·         Some poo-poo cheering on the side-lines, though there are differences in etiquette in the various forms of the game. The stiffest rules pertain to Test Cricket.  However the world is a changing place and shouting encouragement from the side-lines is no longer out of place.  So long as you do so during breaks-in-play.  “Bravo!” is sometimes still a firm favourite amongst some, as is “Jolly good cricket all round chaps!”, but comments like “take his head off”, “moer him!” and the like are generally still frowned upon in all forms of the game. 

·         Finally mom’s, a box is something that your son should choose for himself.  Although he’s bound to choose one that’s way too large for his ‘spud’, it’ll give him some sense of satisfaction even though there may be few pictures of him not readjusting his crotch after every shot.  After all, men are born convinced that size counts, as women are about weight perhaps.  At the end of the day, better a big box than a small box, as the latter is bound to end in tears.

Cricket is a brilliant character builder for those who persevere.  So my advice here is; be brave, be very brave, as your sons have to be in order to enjoy this challenging, complex, yet extremely gratifying game. 

Howzat!?