From wherefore 'hail' ye Julius Malema (alias Caesar)?

Think of him what you will, but Julius Malema is no fool. He may have some seemingly outlandish ideas at times, but when one really thinks about it, they make theoretical sense for the poor and disenfranchised. Where I have to differ with him though is on the subject of so-called (Land Reform).

e.g. Will the Zulus need to also give back the land they violently grabbed from the Xhosa and Pondos, Swazis and Sotho? (Perhaps also some of their stolen women, children and cattle?), or is this thing merely racial?  If so, do the Coloured folk need to only give back half their land, and if they don't own any do they only get half back?

But it gets trickier.. What happens if you're a direct descendant of the Khoisan of the Cape, and a descendant of a 'Strandlooper'? Do you get the land up to the Spring Tide mark, and which beach exactly, or nothing, because they moved constantly in those parts long before the Khoi-Khoi, Dutch and English arrived?  The Xhosa and Pondos never occupied land west of the the Fish River.  What about the land owned by a Venda dairy farmer, having bought and now settled in the Eastern Cape?  Tricky Julius, tricky..

As for me, I think I may demand land back from the Romans, stolen from my Ruski and Scottish forebears. Or do I have a claim from the Moors for stealing my Pagan ancestral land whilst my rellies were painting themselves blue and picking fights with the folk from across the peat-bog?  I don't know.. Perhaps I'll have a better idea after a glass or two of wine this evening.

When in drought, bath in wine..

For those of us living in the Cape, we are all very aware and more than somewhat edgy about the now well ensconced drought, the worst in over 100 years.  Needless to say, folk are running out of practical ideas as the last drops of our dams edge ever nearer.  It may be a bit late for long-term solutions from the State and local municipality, (seeing as those with 'faith like potatoes' have disappointed us somewhat in the outcome of prayer for rain).  Nevertheless, I thought that I would try to contribute, beyond the normal 'showering in a bucket', which I found to be very uncomfortable, or weeing outside, which has had neighbours lock away their daughters, dogs and even parakeets (which I do think was taking things a little too far).  However the fact remains, what will we do once the water runs out altogether?!

Drinking, certainly for us is not an issue, as the wine cellar is well stocked, however bathing will undoubtedly be.  I have however, got a few spare barrels of wine which I intend using for bathing from next week, and a few spare for friends, should they so require.  Cleopatra may have bathed in milk, but had she been a friend of mine, she would have been significantly better off in a barrel of my finest (not over a barrel, you understand).  I must point out that the only wine barrels available for bathing now will be the Sauvignon Blanc barrels I'm afraid, as I'm using all the Chardonnay ones for myself - sorry..). Nevertheless, bathing in Sauvignon blanc despite leaving one feeling a little acidic under the pits, somewhat tart in attitude, with whiffs of grass and asparagus emanating from your nether-regions, it will leave you feeling a lovely sense of cool, crisp freshness with a lingering subtle wooded aftertaste.. (Yes it has a touch of wood, being in a barrel and all, so I do hope you don't mind being a little blanc fume'd?). Of course, nothing like feeling tasty after one's bath though..

For our Kosher Jewish mates, I know a guy who knows a guy who's Rabbi's son makes Kosher wine, but it may leave one feeling a little sticky. But then there're always my beloved barrels of Cabernet Sauvignon still lurking, but you may end up being stained for life..

For our Muslim mates, well, there's always yogurt and honey.  Neither of which I can help with, other than to put you in touch with a bunch of lovely moms (from that nice school in Wynberg), who make the best Halaal samoosas and sticky koeksisters, the latter of which are damn nice when dunkend into a glass of blessed yogurt.

For my Agnostic mates, well, you're a tough bunch to please, I should know, but hey, when in doubt give praise to the bottle (of wine of course), but remember to always take an Uber afterwards.

Happy to share my barrels though, so let me know?

The Winemaker (alas not the Rainmaker)..