Long in Coming - a Two Party State

Although I've expected this to happen a little earlier, I do believe we are now beginning to see real signs of an ANC split joining a 'Liberal' DA split, ActionSA and possibly even some from a more moderate-left FF+ split to form a 'Liberal Party'; whilst the remaining ANC (Nationalist-Left), EFF, Communist Party and Cosatu form a 'Labour Party' to create a modern 2 party state. 

The electorate have spoken very loudly despite poor voter turn out in the recent Municipal Elections, and that has displayed a maturing approach to South African politics outside of the historically race-led, freedom movement voting loyalties of the past generation. I feel enormously encouraged by this.. (See link below).. 

New chapter begins for local govt after polls produce surprising results

Making Sense of Coronavirus for Businesses Amidst Panic and Uncertainty:

Over the past few weeks I have been inundated with concerned clients, past clients and others, asking my opinion regarding the likely impact of COVID-19 on the world economy, our South African economy and ultimately on South African businesses in the main.  As a Business and Executive coach of medium to large business owners and executives, I have become all the more aware of how the two extremes of how we face most issues are dangerous.  Like all matters of fundamentalism, it is likely to take us down the wrong path ultimately.  Circumspection is required, taking in factual information available (as opposed to Social Media posts), and primarily using common sense.  Yet there is no doubt that a somewhat different strategic approach to business is needed here.

On the one hand we have the panic-stricken, social media, face-value knee-jerkers (those who flock to supermarkets in parts of the world to panic-buy the likes of, of all things, toilet paper), stock up their bomb shelters (probably built for post apocalypse First Democratic Elections in SA in 1994) tins of bully beef and baked beans, stop going out, close their schools, cancel events, stop eating out and place containers over their heads.  On the other hand, those who believe that this is merely a passing phase flu virus, and merely carry on as per usual.  These extreme approaches are both extremely dangerous.  Not only is it dangerous to the potential health of others with lower immune systems around us (elderly parents, sick children, heart conditions, people living with HIV-AIDS or Tuberculosis - of which there are many in SA, and many close to us either as family, friends or staff), but also because one’s business and all those who rely on its existence, (staff, families of staff, suppliers, clients, consumers, shareholders, etc.), are likely to be most affected by the business owner’s lack of decisive action. The chain reaction to this in any economy can and will be dire.

So what action is required?  Well, for each business there is a different answer in terms of tactics, but what is clear is that we all need to now create a decisive set of strategies for ‘what if’ scenarios, and to position ourselves to minimise the threats, whilst identifying and taking advantage (not in the morbid sense), of opportunities that are likely to present themselves accordingly.  e.g. one of my clients is in the consumer and business-to-business meats industry (providing meal solutions to a large loyal client base country-wide and globally).  Here an opportunity may exist to boost their Internet Shopping Site profile ahead of current strategy, for the likely increase in on-line shopping, in the event of loyal clients deciding to stay away from public places, especially their stores and supermarkets.  Another example; an advertising agency;  here an opportunity exists to perhaps set most staff up at home, with professional Job Descriptions, standard operating procedures (SOPs) and adequate KPI measures in place, to ensure productivity.  This is the way of the future (if not currently already so, if one lives in a city like Cape Town).  Not only is this approach forging a different form of leadership approach to one of empowerment and trust, (as opposed to micro-management), but an opportunity to hire better people who seek flexibility in their working hours (e.g. single parents).  Not to mention the enormous upside in the savings on overhead costs (e.g. office rent/space, office furniture, cleaning, even coffee and tea).  One can see therefore that these are not merely short-term strategic options, but rather options that will enable future business growth and profitability at the same time.

The point is, don’t panic, but also don’t be complacent.  Whether we like it or not, this virus, rightly or wrongly, will change behaviours, and not merely temporarily.  However, with change comes opportunity for those open to it and prepared for it.  My suggestion therefore, is to work with your business coach (if you have one, if you don’t find a good one), pull your team of thinkers together, and spend a day or part of a day, planning a set of clear cut strategies, preferably ones that will stand the test of time whether Coronavirus has a major impact or not.  If nothing else, this may just be the opportunity to make some tough decisions you may have been putting off, take some calculated risks and stay well ahead of the rest of the flock.

There is little doubt that events such as this one, will leave in its wake piles of once borderline, unprofitable and poorly led businesses.  Those that didn’t plan and those that didn’t take this by the horns and run with it in a positive way.  It is those businesses that not only survive such a potential crisis, but those that come out the other-side better prepared and more adaptable to fast, global changes, that will be the sustainable ones into the future.  It is my hope and mission to ensure that all of my clients at least, are in that boat.

So, instead of Blaming, making Excuses later and living in Denial (B.E.D – where you may as well pack up and stay at home with the covers over your head), there is an opportunity for you as business owner to take Ownership, be Accountable and most importantly be Responsible (O.A.R – providing you the necessary paddle to take you down the river of sustainable success).  The choice is firmly in your hands.  Use it wisely..     
[by Greg Castle – Business & Executive Coach – gregcastle@actioncoach.com]

Digital Advertising - the black hole of modern marketing

It's about time big business and ad agencies woke up to the fact that digital advertising is not all its made out to be.. It was a desperate scramble on their part when traditional media platforms started to vanish, yet nobody really understands how to make it work effectively and  sustainably.

Much digital advertising however is more destructive to the brand than positive, and an extreme irritation to users of Social Media (prospective clients) in particular. Afterall, they wanted to 'socialise' on the mediums, not be interrupted and annoyed by banners and digital junk mail.

If WhatsApp decide to allow advertising, watch people simply switch to other options overnight, just as the Facebook frenzy came to an abrupt halt in the Western World when they decided to embrace advertising. How many 'Millennials' and Gen-Y'ers do you know who still use the platform?

I still stand by my conviction that, much like the value of a Bitcoin, Facebook's stock valuation is a bubble about to burst (remember the IT and Property Bubbles set up by investor conmen of the past few decades, only to exit before the man in the street felt the pain of stock prices  plummeting..?). Consumers and customers are not naive, so why do so many businesses treat them as if they were?

Don't follow the emotional blackmail fear of missing out (FOMO). Think about it logically, and only then strategically..

It appears that some big global companies (e.g. P&G) are starting to wake up..

https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2019-04-12-pg-puts-ad-platforms-like-facebook-google-on-notice-2/

Damned if we do and damned if we don't.. Who to vote for?

The challenge we face this time around come South African election time, is damned if we do and damned if we don't.. One may elect to vote for the DA (despite Mmusi's unfortunate 'mess'), in order to strengthen the official opposition which may be admirable.

One may be seeing 'red' however and decide that red overalls and berets are the latest in your choice of this Season's fashion statement. That may be good if you're unemployed, short-sighted if not mentally challenged, however representation in an 'organised' Parliament may be better than revolts on the streets (better the red devil you know..).

There of course is the legacy of the old Right Wing in the form of Vryheidsfront (sideburns and beards sonder moustaches only brigade). That may attract similar short-sighted, propaganda induced excitement amongst some who still wish Apartheid was alive an kicking (no pun intended), despite, like the EFF, the occasional wise political input, but sadly only rarely.

But when one gets down to it, normally voting for a strong opposition is an admirable strategic intent, however in this particular election, if the ANC loses ground, Ace and his fellow hyenas may just have the excuse they need to oust Cyril Ramaphosa as president of the party and therefore the country, along with his honourable stooges, putting us squarely back in the doomed Zuma dark ages. All efforts to right the wrongs and put those guilty of State Capture and other pillaged jewels will become the 'new' leadership, and that would be the end of that. Quite literally.. 

So, we have a choice here as I see it. Vote for the party you want to lead your Province and City in terms of what works and has been proven to do so effectively, and vote nationally to allow Cyril to clean up.. I'm really not sure how I feel about it all this time around, but be damn sure to have your say, or be prepared to shut up forever more..

Another 'Man-Made' Bible Version To Suit Yet Another Agenda - But Do Women Have A Point?

Ah, good.. Another Bible version with its own 'interpretations'. Having been passed down via fireside word-of-mouth stories around the Middle East for over 1000 years pre-Jesus, before being written down piecemeal by believers in Archaic Hebrew into Aramaic (the language Jesus allegedly spoke which ironically became Arabic), then into Ancient Greek, into Modern Greek into Latin into 'Ancient' English (Anglo-Saxon), and much later 'Modern' English, of which there are dozens of selective translations down the years, none of which relate to the original texts and meanings.  So perhaps it's time for yet another version?

Whilst they're at it, perhaps they aught to 're-interpret' all the narcissistic, arrogant, self-serving, attention seeking, racist, "sing and go down on your knees to Me" Godly Commands. Not to mention incitement to murder, rape and plunder (including instructing numerous wars against all but a 'chosen few').  Directives for fathers to sacrifice their own sons on alters of fire, bizarrely and macabrely having His own son nailed to a cross for the sake of all 'our' sins (ironically his own creations in his own image..)..  This is the stuff of a blood thirsty horror movie!

OK, having said that, perhaps The Bible should be banned altogether for inappropriateness or at least rewritten entirely by real peace loving, truly compassionate, non-sexually inhibited, non-self serving, non-xenophobic, non-racist, non-sexist, non-agenda enslaved poets and writers..?  I think the time is nigh.. 

https://www.enca.com/life/theologians-join-forces-draft-womens-bible

The Non-romance of War and the Irony of Celebrating It

With all the past weekend's 'celebrations' of war (WWI in particular), it brought to mind the fact that perhaps the non-romantic realities of war are still all too fresh in the minds of my generation of South African men, who not too long ago were fresh-faced 18 year olds finishing Matric, and about to have a rifle shoved in our hands, with the chance of never coming back. Many didn't, and many more who did, were never the same again..

I don't see war as a celebration in any make or form, and this poem by Siegfried Sassoon puts it rather succinctly for me:

"You smug-faced crowds with kindling eye - 
Who cheer when soldier lads march by -
Sneak home and pray you'll never know -
The hell where youth and laughter go."

The author during the Angolan and Cold Wars 1985 / His Great Grandfather Nathan McLeod circa 1920 who served in both WWI & WWII

The big Facebook farce

Six years ago I sat in a room with a group of 'clever' people all punting Facebook as the next 'Tech whizz kid on the block', much like those who were punting the Bitcoin con not so long ago. People love false hope and things that are just too good to be true. They fall for it time and time again. Much like sitting at a slot machine in a casino. As if we were so naive as to have forgotten the 'Tech Bubble' Financial Services con of the late 90's, the Financial Services property overvaluation con of the early 2000's.. So-called 'highly respected' Financial advisors where now trying to persuade poor, naive investors to buy extraordinarily overvalued Facebook stocks as the next big flyer.

Meanwhile the young marketing 'wizards' in the room attempted to persuade the who's who of Global Marketing that this Social Media platform was going to be the big advertising alternative to waning traditional media and literally "fly".

I was the lone voice of, in my view, simple logic and reason in the room, as I could just not get my head around their valuation justification, nor understand how a Social Media (emphasis on the word 'social')  provider thought that they could make money out of users, without having to bastardise their free communication model and commercialise something people used for socialising and sharing amongst friends and family, by bombarding them with highly annoying advertising banners, whilst using their database to unscrupulously abuse loyal users to the point of losing them altogether..

And that now appears to be exactly what has happened.. 6 years down the line.

https://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2018-07-26-facebook-in-freefall-as-weak-outlook-stuns-market/

Life can be short - Begin with the end in mind

I've tried to live life from relatively early on by my own mantra of 'Life can be short, so begin everything with the end in mind'. Not in a melancholy way by any means, but merely to try to make the most out of this life, as there is no other, and "don't dream it, be it" (to coin a phrase from The Rocky Horror Picture Show).

That means, I stopped or never even embraced chasing things that just don't matter in the end - to me, (e.g. climbing taller and taller corporate ladders, playing business politics, accumulating material wealth for the sake of it, befriending and even entertaining pretentious people, stressing about what other people think, living to work as opposed to working to live life, sweating the small stuff, not saying what you honestly think, getting caught up in a group of negative political propagandists, not having enough time to do the things you truly want to do and places to see, not eating food and drinking wine that feeds a ceremony, etc. ). Rather I have done the opposite, in attempt to chase and do things that really do matter, do things and visit places that feed my 'soul' and surround myself with those who really mean something to me, challenge me, impart wisdom, thrive in vociferous debate covering.., at times, controversial subject matter to many who prefer the PC, 'rather not go there' approach.

That makes life rich to me, as much as a game ranger friend once remarked to me years ago, that he didn't earn much money by what he did, but got paid in sunsets instead. A profound comment that said so much about him and what 'life' truly meant to him.

Sometimes I forget however and need reminding, sometimes other people's experiences help put it all into perspective too..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgnREvtTdew

Partnering with the largest, professional Business Coaching firm - ActionCOACH

https://youtu.be/OZyLpnun_xs

Ramaphosa - a time for renewed patriotism

There's euphoria abound, and rightly so.  Cyril Ramaphosa is an impressive man, no matter his country of origin.  Despite being my preference to succeed Nelson Mandela's one and only term in office in the late 90's, sadly he was sidelined by a more internally politically astute and aggressive Thabo Mbeki at the time. 

So it seems that it has taken the ANC a while to come around, but better late than never for the country as a whole.  Now the mountain of work stands before him, starting with a cleaning up of the rot and dead wood within his inherited Cabinet.  There is no doubt that the turnaround has merely begun, but that's the beauty of it all, we've only just started to show what we can really do here.. This is going to be a very exciting ride..  Already the exchange rate is reflecting a positive outlook (at R11.66 as I type). Never before, in my opinion, has there been such a positive time in SA politically to be a South African right now,  (even compared to the early uncertain, Nationalisation rhetoric days of the Mandela regime).

I may sound like the eternal optimist, but perhaps we needed to hit such a low in order to realise exactly that which should never be repeated again.  As I type, the Gupta family members and their henchmen are being rounded up, and this is merely the start of weeding out the rotten and corrupt relationships that have underlined the Zuma era, starting with the Shaik affair.  But for it to really work, we all need to play our part in speaking the right speak to encourage foreign investment and unlock the more than a Trillion Rand of local cash awaiting positive business sentiment and investment.

Next step is is a serious focus on education and support for Small & Medium sized Enterprises to encourage growth and boost the much needed employment, which in-turn will turn around the social ills of crime and grime. 

Why would you want to be anywhere else right now??

Farming for Sympathy is a Nation-wide Symphony

I'm all for supporting ethical, socially and environmentally responsible farmers at the best of times, in fact to coin a cliche, 'many of my best friends are farmers..'.  However as much as one can never condone murder, no matter where, I just don't see why farmers should see themselves as any different from the rest of South Africans when it comes to crime.  Why aren't folk standing up for the residents of Nyanga, the ganglands of Mannenberg, Atlantis (or anywhere else for that matter), where the murder rate far exceeds that of farmers. 

This is not a unique issue facing farmers alone and is more likely to polarise rather than generate sympathy from majority of equally frustrated citizens.  This has nothing to do with politics, as much as the Right Wing and frustrated Expats would have one believe.

Let's approach this as 'All of Us', as opposed to 'Poor Me'..

Always travel with airport friendly bottle openers and clean shoes

I'm glad to hear that it's not only me who gets pounced upon like a reprobate terror suspect at Australian airports (I fear that I may be opening myself up here..), but one should always travel prepared to open bottles of wine no matter what. In Aus however, they sort of eliminate the need for a cork screw, with 95% (my estimate) of their bottles being screw top, so I always take my finger along, to pop my cheek with a cork sounding 'pop', just to bring the romance of the wine opening ceremony back.

But even still, they pounce on me at the airport every time. Just armed with my finger... Only place in the world mind you, taking themselves awfully seriously, only to look so dissapointed when they only discover my 6 bottles of SA wine I'm bringing in as gifts. So they turn to my shoes (seeing I've come from the 'war-torn, dirty' continent), and instruct me to take them off and bang them, I suspect to quash their natural attacking instinct (being leather of a once wild beast you understand..), and then 'kindly allow me' to move on.. 

I can't say the same for the poor dude wearing a fez and his mate with an apparent 'dangerous' turban, both carrying worry beads in their luggage.., not even a sip of wine between them.. I could hear the smack of the invasive latex gloves behind the small curtained cubicle..  So clenching my butt cheeks tightly, I briskly move on to pop corks another day..

See:
Kaley Cuoco Reveals Awkward Discovery Airport Security Made In Her Bag

http://www.ladbible.com/entertainment/celebrity-film-and-tv-kaley-cuoco-reveals-awkward-discovery-airport-security-made-in-her-bag-20170929

Getting Paid in Sunsets

Sometimes it takes a matter of 'stepping back' to assess the treadmill that many of us refer to as life, only to realise that what most folk are chasing day-to-day is nothing more than frivolous stuff.  Most, I would argue, don't even know what they're chasing.

Having nearly lost my father, at the age of 15, to a heart attack, induced by major, high level corporate stress (and some poor Russian genetics, it must be said), I suppose that I've been in the somewhat fortunate position to have been able to understand the two options of life from a very much earlier age than most.  Wealth or Happiness.  They need not be mutually exclusive, you understand, but the weighting is what's key.

As much as having had a very privileged childhood, my parents were very careful not to spoil us in the material sense.  But we had the best education money could buy, holidays both locally and internationally to extraordinary places, luxury cars to be ferried around in, and a beautiful home in a very upmarket neighbourhood.  However, whilst many of my mates had every electronic thing that opened and closed (yes there were some in those days), motorbikes and monkey-bikes at very young ages, brand new top of the range vehicles when they turned 18, paid for private pilot's licenses for fun, and the like, my recollection of my most prized possessions were purely sentimental.  My prized cricket bat (nowhere near the level of today's average school boy bat) was one that stands out.  I still have it.  I proudly tried to pass it on to my sons, but they thought I was joking.  So I oiled it and put it back in it's bag where it remains to this day.

Having just returned from a two week break up in the deep African bushveld, in the Greater Kruger National Park on the banks of the Olifants River, I am reminded once again of my desperation to hop off that treadmill and smell the 'wild potato bush'.  One of the more erudite writers and contented souls that I know, is perhaps ironically to some yet not for me, a game ranger in that part of the world.  A man who lives for the bush and all that naturally live within it.  A man who once said to my then teenage son, deliberating his future career, "You know my boy, many people say that Game Ranging is a poorly paid profession.  But I'd have to disagree.  If it's money and possessions you need to bring you happiness and self fulfillment, then perhaps.  But I get paid in sunsets, and that is something that money cannot buy".  Certainly if money could buy one 'sunsets', it would only be on a short holiday or in one's retirement years, by which time only a few if any sunsets may remain to enjoy.

By contrast, a dad with a son at school with mine some years back, a guy who was by this stage many times over a very wealthy fellow, once said something that I'll never forget.  He said, "Greg, you know I really envy you."  On asking why somewhat perplexed, he responded, "You really know your boys.  You've made it your mission to be a major part of their lives, to be at every sport, cultural or other event possible that they've taken part in, and you clearly have a close rapport with them.  I on the other-hand don't.  I've seldom been to my son's matches, or award evenings, music events and the like, because I was working.  I honestly don't know my sons, nor they me."  Reflecting on what he had just said I was truly flattered and yet saddened by his honest comment. I replied, "But why?  Why do you carry on working so long and so hard?  You've had more money than most, for decades already.  You have a younger son (youngest of 3) who is still at school, with only a few years left.  Why don't you change your envy to reality for yourself?"  He agreed that it was a very good idea.  But never did it.

Even I'm embarrassed at times that it takes my recharge in the bush or on my favourite remote strip of beach in the Eastern Cape, to once again be reminded of that which is truly important in life.  I suppose those places are just so back to basics, that is a complete contrast to city life as we know it.  As much as I often joke that life is just to short for bearable company, palatable food and average wine, there are times when the city-slicker world in which we live envelopes one above the eye balls, so much so that we are running on the ever-demolishing wheel of self destruction without realising it.
Sure there are important things in life where money can certainly help, no-one's saying it isn't important to a degree.  However it is that degree that often get's blurred, and our apparent drive to Self Actualisation on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, that tends to get stuck in the bottom part of the hierarchical pyramid of rather basic needs & material wants.  Simply put, motivated by shear greed.   Poking one's head out above it all to 'smell the wild potato bush' becomes a desperate need for a paid for holiday as opposed to a life changing event or merely a very different, yet logical mindset change.

I have been convinced since early on that chasing riches ends in tears at best, but most likely one's premature demise.  Some of the saddest people are those I met whilst working briefly as a water-ski instructor in Monte Carlo teaching billionaire rich kids to ski in the Mediterranean.  They were the saddest and loneliest kids I'd ever met.  The sad state that most of us wake up to too late is perhaps only on reaching retirement (assuming one makes it that far), only to wonder what happened to life, to one's family and true friends.  Surrounded by one's magnificent mansion overlooking the best view money can buy, with one's luxury yacht moored on the jetty, 10 permanent crew all bustling about to get it ready for a week or two cruise of the year, helicopter on the pad and Learjet in the expensive hanger up the drag.  And yet the kids don't call (except for money occasionally), friends, well just aren't true friends.  No hobbies of note, because one 'just didn't have the time for such before', and a large empty void that can never be filled.  You may get a few Sunsets to watch, but can you really enjoy them?  Not likely.  Sunsets need passion, excitement, romance, friends and family to share them with, otherwise they merely become the period before darkness.

So.  Open that special bottle of wine tonight, the one you've been hording for years for that one special occasion that never comes.  Go off up the mountain or to a remote part of the beach, bush or wherever you can just ponder alone for a few hours this weekend, and write down your remaining life's Mission Statement, fleshed out into your top 5 or 6 objectives, one for each part of what you regard as important in life.  Family, Friends, Work, Play, Personal Development, Travel, or what ever.  You may just be surprised that money and wealth are nowhere to be seen on your list.  If they are, well then I'm sorry for you.

Perhaps this video will give some further inspiration..  Enjoy!

From wherefore 'hail' ye Julius Malema (alias Caesar)?

Think of him what you will, but Julius Malema is no fool. He may have some seemingly outlandish ideas at times, but when one really thinks about it, they make theoretical sense for the poor and disenfranchised. Where I have to differ with him though is on the subject of so-called (Land Reform).

e.g. Will the Zulus need to also give back the land they violently grabbed from the Xhosa and Pondos, Swazis and Sotho? (Perhaps also some of their stolen women, children and cattle?), or is this thing merely racial?  If so, do the Coloured folk need to only give back half their land, and if they don't own any do they only get half back?

But it gets trickier.. What happens if you're a direct descendant of the Khoisan of the Cape, and a descendant of a 'Strandlooper'? Do you get the land up to the Spring Tide mark, and which beach exactly, or nothing, because they moved constantly in those parts long before the Khoi-Khoi, Dutch and English arrived?  The Xhosa and Pondos never occupied land west of the the Fish River.  What about the land owned by a Venda dairy farmer, having bought and now settled in the Eastern Cape?  Tricky Julius, tricky..

As for me, I think I may demand land back from the Romans, stolen from my Ruski and Scottish forebears. Or do I have a claim from the Moors for stealing my Pagan ancestral land whilst my rellies were painting themselves blue and picking fights with the folk from across the peat-bog?  I don't know.. Perhaps I'll have a better idea after a glass or two of wine this evening.

When in drought, bath in wine..

For those of us living in the Cape, we are all very aware and more than somewhat edgy about the now well ensconced drought, the worst in over 100 years.  Needless to say, folk are running out of practical ideas as the last drops of our dams edge ever nearer.  It may be a bit late for long-term solutions from the State and local municipality, (seeing as those with 'faith like potatoes' have disappointed us somewhat in the outcome of prayer for rain).  Nevertheless, I thought that I would try to contribute, beyond the normal 'showering in a bucket', which I found to be very uncomfortable, or weeing outside, which has had neighbours lock away their daughters, dogs and even parakeets (which I do think was taking things a little too far).  However the fact remains, what will we do once the water runs out altogether?!

Drinking, certainly for us is not an issue, as the wine cellar is well stocked, however bathing will undoubtedly be.  I have however, got a few spare barrels of wine which I intend using for bathing from next week, and a few spare for friends, should they so require.  Cleopatra may have bathed in milk, but had she been a friend of mine, she would have been significantly better off in a barrel of my finest (not over a barrel, you understand).  I must point out that the only wine barrels available for bathing now will be the Sauvignon Blanc barrels I'm afraid, as I'm using all the Chardonnay ones for myself - sorry..). Nevertheless, bathing in Sauvignon blanc despite leaving one feeling a little acidic under the pits, somewhat tart in attitude, with whiffs of grass and asparagus emanating from your nether-regions, it will leave you feeling a lovely sense of cool, crisp freshness with a lingering subtle wooded aftertaste.. (Yes it has a touch of wood, being in a barrel and all, so I do hope you don't mind being a little blanc fume'd?). Of course, nothing like feeling tasty after one's bath though..

For our Kosher Jewish mates, I know a guy who knows a guy who's Rabbi's son makes Kosher wine, but it may leave one feeling a little sticky. But then there're always my beloved barrels of Cabernet Sauvignon still lurking, but you may end up being stained for life..

For our Muslim mates, well, there's always yogurt and honey.  Neither of which I can help with, other than to put you in touch with a bunch of lovely moms (from that nice school in Wynberg), who make the best Halaal samoosas and sticky koeksisters, the latter of which are damn nice when dunkend into a glass of blessed yogurt.

For my Agnostic mates, well, you're a tough bunch to please, I should know, but hey, when in doubt give praise to the bottle (of wine of course), but remember to always take an Uber afterwards.

Happy to share my barrels though, so let me know?

The Winemaker (alas not the Rainmaker)..

“Your sniff of salmon and skid-mark of jus Sir..”

For years I've poo-poo'd what I term hobsnobbery in wine, rather than the simple enjoyment and appreciation thereof quietly, or with those family or friends who are interested enough to want to chat more about it.  It’s not a show, it’s not to show how much one knows or to impress those around one, but to just enjoy and savour the flavours and complexities, no matter the price or brand thereon. 

As a wine maker and food lover, unfortunately I’ve come to learn over many years, (perhaps too many now), that some folk just love to show-off.  And without fail, they tend to be those who know the least about wine, but feel the need to prove otherwise in public. Most of them don’t hail from the so-called ‘Wine & Foodie Cities’, but perhaps suffer from wannabe deprivation.  Whether it’s name dropping of winemakers they may have met or spoken to at a wine event, and now refer to as ‘good friends’, or babble on about the wine ‘Terroir’, perhaps lamenting on about some exotic French Bordeaux or Burgundy they rate as something ‘unsurpassed’, or the fact that they only drink Champagne, because it is always the best Bubbly one can buy - nonsense.  I have to bite my tongue as I have little time for those types and tend to move away from the conversation as swiftly as possible.  My wife says that I battle to hide my disdain. 

In the same vain, I feel very much the same way regarding the wave of so-called 'hip' restaurants that suddenly became all the rage within the past decade (at the outside), in cities like Cape Town, Sydney, London, San Francisco to name a few, particularly it seems amongst the nouveau riche about town or foreigners who only read the ‘Hobsnobbery Places to Eat Out when visiting town’ ratings.  But more annoyingly those who feel the need to tell everyone-they've-been-and-you-really-should-go-types, when the truly honest response is more that they were left in awe of the creativity and all, but bloody hungry afterwards.  I just don’t like leaving a restaurant having paid a small bond on a 5 course meal with exorbitantly over-marked-up wine to need to pop into KFC for dinner afterwards.  It sort of goes against my grain.

Look, I'm all for art, my mother’s an artist, so I had no option but to.., but keep art in a gallery or on a wall somewhere appropriate.  I really don’t want to eat art, otherwise it would all be created on flavour, colour infused rice paper. However, when you want me to buy into the fact that the tiny morsel of whatever you're ripping me off with in your restaurant as a result of the apparent blood and sweat induced 'added value' creation before me, the result of over-touching, molding, infusing and nitrogen nuking a perfectly good raw ingredient in plastic bags under high pressure is worth it, I’m not really that impressed.  I get particularly disappointed when the plate arrives not with the Portabellini mushroom the waitron had so carefully and skillfully described, but a mushroom flavoured skid-mark thereof instead.  Don’t give me that ‘jus’ nonsense, this isn’t nouvelle cuisine Paris of the 70’s, give me ‘sauce’, or at least call it that.  ‘Jus’ for some reason gives one the right to up the price rather significantly.  It’s ‘posh’ you see.  Give me the bloody (ed) mushroom for god's sake.  I could have purchased something that looked very similar to that infused skid-mark at the babyfood section at Pick 'n Pay!  

OK, granted, it may not have been infused by truffle oil (squeezed out of a poor little innocent truffle apparently - is that even possible?!).  But don't tease me with bull, smoke and mirrors. Just give me the delectably prepared flavoured mushroom, so I can see what I'm about to tantalise my taste buds with next. What happened to being able to use all of one’s senses in enjoying food?  Like my wine, I like to see what I’m drinking, touch it if necessary (not in public of course..), at least be able to fork my food or pick it up with chopsticks (not a straw), chew it, feel it swirling about, taste it and assimilate all that together.  The good ol' tantalisation of the senses are what I'm after, not the equivalent of eating in the dark, whilst everyone fumbles about making the right noises.  Most often people around the table tend to have a hushed debate as to what's what, so as not to appear ignorant to the table of snooty, apparent food fundis sitting at the next table.

Somehow when one ads an amuse-bouche to the proceedings (the French term meaning “Amuse the mouth”, aptly so as they are very small teaser samplings of food served before a meal, to whet the appetite and stimulate the palate – and boy won’t you need it!).  Or the entremets of palate cleansing sorbet between courses, somehow giving license to the establishment to now charge more than double that of the fantastic Bistro or Italian Trattoria down the road.  The one that uses the same ingredients, though absolutely fresh, doesn’t over complicate matters, but rather than employing stressed artists, uses passion and generations of skill past down from Nona to grandchildren, where simplicity of lovingly assembled natural flavours are ‘the art’.  Give me that, not sous-vide cooking methods where once fresh ingredients need to be sealed in vacuum-sealed plastic pouches then placed in a temperature-controlled steam environment for hours on end.  That’s just food abuse!

At the end of the day, I’m quite happy paying good money for great food, great wine, great service and ambiance, but I just don’t want to eat fragments of art on a plate and sip on pretentiously overpriced wine that is merely there to impress the snob among us, rather than its intended purpose, to simply enjoy lovingly created passion on a plate and in my glass.

Here's a little 'taste' of what I mean..  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvsWibR_nsk

Predictably irrational - rather the devil you know - Lauren Haworth

http://www.biznews.com/entrepreneur/2016/06/28/lauren-haworth-sa-predictably-irrational-rather-the-devil-you-know/

A Mammoth task, yet the Dodo thrives in Cape Town

For years I've waxed lyrical about the ‘poor’ driving habits of Cape Townians, which I still rate as undoubtedly the worst in the world.  Recently, a friend and fellow producer of fine alcoholic beverages, cider to be precise, had a rant about the shocking service she’d received from a service provider in the region, without even an apology from the management.  Well this is not unusual, although I'm not one to lump all service providers in this magnificent city together as poor.  Many are very good and a few even exceptional.  My retort to her however, was that I had just had a discussion with my painter, the same discussion I had with my electrician and my plumber some months back, suggesting that the best way for any service provider to differentiate themselves from the mass in this city (i.e. stand out from the crowd of competitors in their field), would be simply to arrive on time, as promised.  If not possible however for some valid reason, then a simple call to inform one is all that would be required.  That type of attention to service alone would set them apart from 90% of their competitors, without even having to quote on the job.  People can be very stupid at times, and it makes one wonder about the root cause.  Is it nature or nurture that is primarily to blame in getting us to this rather disappointing place in ‘intellect’ I wonder?

With that theme in mind, I have been reading with some interest about the recent successes in the genome sequencing of the woolly mammoth.  Having been fascinated with this prospect since I was a kid; perhaps I should have listened to my biology teacher Mrs. Dixon and the results of my aptitude test in Grade 12, and gone into medicine of some sort, ultimately specialising in the field of genetics.  But I didn't, and yet others have and have had enormous success in the use of stem cells and its incredible value in the pursuit of improving health in humans, in some cases before they are even born. 

Of course, as one would expect, some religions are vehemently against such ‘god-like’ interventions, but my response to that is simple. If one believes in a god the way some do, then surely ‘he’ gave the wisdom to the people involved enabling them to make some improvements and enhancements to ‘his’ somewhat questionable workmanship.  One just has to drive on the roads of Cape Town to realise that the Dodo is definitely not extinct, but in the genomes of many city drivers, as they tend to behave as if they have more than just one screw missing.  I suppose one could excuse the shoddy workmanship during ‘Creation’, as light had only been invented a few days earlier, and the effect on the eyes at the time, after a lifetime of darkness, must have been rather brutal.  After all, Ray Ban and Vuarnet sunglasses weren't invented until the 8^th day, I'm led to believe.

So with this US team already attempting to study the characteristics of the mammoth by inserting mammoth genes into elephant stem cells, perhaps there’s some light at the end of the long tunnel from Bellville to the City Bowl and surrounds.  At the risk of sounding sanctimonious, at least there may be hope that the many shocking drivers on Cape Town’s roads may now be captured (in cleverly devised ‘stupid traps’), and have the Dodo gene removed from their genetic make-up and replaced with a few fresh nuts and bolts.  I am going into this weekend feeling rather pleased at this notion, although it’s not likely to be in my lifetime, I know that there’s hope for human kind in the centuries to come.

For more info.. http://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-32432693

Certain UCT Students Poo-poo Cecil, yet choose to ignore Jacob - Where's the consistency in that?

Perhaps we're in a good space in South Africa when the most offensive issue facing students of the University of Cape Town today is a statue of a chubby old dude who donated all of his land to the City, including the very grounds of the current campus.  Sure, Cecil John Rhodes did come from an era of naivety and an entitled feeling of colonialist superiority. But so did King Shaka Zulu, although his rape and plunder of the Xhosa, Swazi, Pondo amongst others wasn't quite regarded as colonisation for some reason.  Merely a 'redistribution of wealth and women' perhaps?

I wonder however, which of the current protesters own children will one day give the same treatment to a statue of another chubby old dude who currently resides over the country, for very similar reasons, bar a few nuanced differences in terms of property dealings perhaps (i.e. one 'paid back the land', the other simply kept his)? Where is the consistency in that?

After all, rape and plunder are one and the same, black, white or beige..  And I thought UCT was a bastion of esteemed higher education.

For more on the story behind the comment:  http://www.dailymaverick.co.za/article/2015-03-11-op-ed-the-rhodes-less-travelled-or-whats-in-a-name/#.VP_2PIgaKBZ

Wash your Humus down with a Martini and chill

Ok, so we spied a little, worked together with 'friends' on ‘weapons of mass destruction’ (sea to air and air to ground anti-tank missiles and a few nuclear bombs in the 1970’s and 80’s), and traded in oil and illegal arms during the so-called 'isolation years'.  It still happens to this day unsurprisingly, although perhaps not the nuclear bomb part, yet in a slightly different guise and perhaps less transparent a manner than one might hope.  But really, are these 'spy documents' really so shocking?  Perhaps to the naive and ignorant, however there's no country worth its salt, that isn't doing likewise.  Perhaps the only thing worth noting is the fact that the South African State Security Agency (SSA) is a little understaffed these days and that the information has somehow, embarrassingly gotten out.  Someone wanting a little extra retirement money perhaps?  Nevertheless, I have no doubt that their reward was safely stashed into a numbered Swiss Bank account, with a pseudonym of ‘The Spy Who Never Really Loved Us’ as the account ID.

Yesterday (Mon 23^rd Feb 2015), Al Jazeera and The Guardian exposed piles of confidential and top secret documents, allegedly communication links between the South African State Security Agency (SSA), Russia’s FSB (the renewed KGB), the UK’s MI6 (home of the real James Bond types), Israel’s Mossad (in my opinion the most effective ‘spy’ agency globally), as well as numerous other Middle Eastern agencies, amongst others. These documents supposedly cover correspondence between the various secret bodies between 2006 until the end of 2014.

Sorry to say, but I’m damn sure that this is a mere storm in a tea-cup, as it has been going on for years, and that’s no secret.  Anyone who served in Naval Intelligence during the ‘dark years’, will know what I mean.  Who we have been spying on, and why, may however be somewhat embarrassing, particularly to the ANC, who openly pride themselves in their friendships with countries the USA believe to be unsavoury bed fellows.  I’m not saying either is right or wrong here, as there are many contradictions and manifestations of propaganda in the making. Nevertheless, it may however expose a touch of ‘forked tongue’ when it comes to our ‘true friendships’. I’m not sure how our Iranian, Syrian, Egyptian, Lebanese, Libyan and other ‘mates’ will think of our close friendship and ties with the likes of Israel, when ‘we’ go all out publically to side with the Palestinians at every given opportunity.

What does it say about us?  Well, it confirms that there’s never a dull moment in being South African, that’s for sure, but more than that it says that we are merely diplomatic traders and associates of anyone who wishes to be our friends, or doesn’t.  Will it have any major implications? I doubt it, however it all depends on what sort of detail is revealed, and perhaps questions the motivation behind the leaks in the first place.  Who really wants to hurt whom?  I suspect it may be a plot to embarrass Israel more than South Africa.  Let’s wait and see.  

In the meantime, don’t forget to accompany your matzah bread and humus dip snacks with a dry Martini, shaken or stirred, as variety is the spice of life..