Women’s Day Conundrum

This is a subject that I fear requires some sensitive treading, as it could easily result in tears or worse.  An analogy perhaps that best describes one possible outcome is the explosion I once remember as a child, which occurred in our home kitchen when the pressure cooker lid simply exploded away from the pot, sending boiling, sticky stew across the entire room from ceiling to floor.  So I intend to tread lightly, although perhaps reluctantly, and I hope you'll appreciate why I say so.

Anyone who knows me well will know that I love and have always loved and respected women dearly my entire life.  I'm not merely talking about women in the sexual or sensual sense however, but rather holistically in the very sense of the word ‘love’ together with its many different facets and manifestations.   Having grown up in a rather female dominated extended family on my mother’s side, in terms of men and boys being totally outnumbered, I suppose it could either have been inevitable or perhaps the polar opposite.  My mother was one of three sisters, and my gran and her own three sisters, the sole survivors of a family of 5 siblings, where the menfolk died relatively early.  Extended family get-togethers were boisterous to say the least, with many high pitched female voices jostling for attention and very often all talking across one another in a cacophony of sound that only one born into such a family could find endearing.  My father and my aunts’ two husbands were simply drowned out, and usually retreated to the safety of the braai (bbq) area for a welcome reprieve perhaps.  

As kids however it was an extraordinarily exciting and colourful exposure to the passion and complexity of women of all ages, and far more exciting to be in the lounge or kitchen, than standing around the braai with business and sport being the sum total of the conversation. With the women, conversation was far more liberal in every sense of the word, emotional, feisty, yet always passionate, caring and nurturing.  Ok, sometimes a bit bitchy, but not often.  As children we were brought up to be seen and very much heard, encouraged to say one’s bit no matter how trivial it may seem.  If you didn't, then you would simply be drowned out by the loud natter and simply slide into the background of the room with little attention or sympathy for that matter.  Best then to rather join the lads at the braai.  But the women’s conversation was always far more interesting and stimulating.  I suppose the fact that they were all highly intelligent women had a lot to do with it, despite all being housewives, they had opinions on everything and strong ones at that.  It’s an environment that I still find myself drawn to at parties, perhaps tiring of the 2 dimensional conversation around the braai, I tend to find myself drawn to the kitchen very often.     

It is with this background in mind that I find the concept of Women’s Day somewhat bizarre and rather patronizing.  I know that there are many women who strongly believe in its purpose and rightful place on the calendar of public holidays.  However, having come from a family were respect and love for women was not only common place and good old fashioned manners strongly entrenched, but also an appreciation for the fact that women could do anything they set their minds to.  I therefore find the generalised drivel us men are constantly bombarded with in the media about ‘women’s oppression’ and ‘men not being sensitised’ or all portrayed as ‘bullying brutes’ rather hurtful if not darn right insulting.  I know I'm not alone here, as most of my own mates most certainly hold the very same ideals, (though many wiser fellows would not have opened themselves up to this debate).  These sweeping statements about female oppression in society need to be kept in check and put into perspective.  Sure we understand that many men are ignorant outside of stereotypical social ‘norms’, and that there are men who rape and plunder.  But to give the impression and paint all men with the same broad tar brush is ridiculous. 

I find it amusing that were one to make similar stereotypical comments about a race group or culture (or women for that matter), as many women do about men, one would be had up for racism, xenophobia or sexism without hesitation.  Generalised sweeping statements have no place in this world, and that goes for social oppression and sexism.  It is simply a lazy uncouth way of grouping people together in one’s own stratified mind.  That way you can be sure that you will garner much more support from guys who sympathise with your honourable desire to get more males to open their hearts and minds and take up the battle alongside you, if not simply see women as equals.